An addictive personality can get hooked on pretty much anything. I have one, and I find it to be a sickness because I don’t WANT to be hooked on something to the point where I am struggling for control. Well, It happened again last saturday, I got hooked on man that simply held a polite conversation with me while outside smoking.
I simply cannot stop thinking about him! Maybe it is because I got nervous about where our conversations where leading, and left without saying good-bye. Just disappeared like a complete dick! I hate it when people do that to me and I am not normally like that, but I had two guy friends with me that got over-protective and practically dragged me out on my heels.
His name was Jason. We met outside a bar I have never been to before, and he politely lit my ciggarette and introduced himself. We started talking about motorcycles, and thats when I noticed he was in a motorcycle club in my valley, and he showed me his Harley “Fatbob” and I think thats where I fell in love. We talked about vacation spots and where he worked, and I got to know him pretty well. We would go back inside and watch for one another to leave again to go smoke. We started flirting, light touching or poking. After a couple of hours he started to ask about going home situation and maybe I’d like to go for a ride. Come take a walk with me just down this alley. I’m a smart woman but I wanted, NEEDED, to go with him, against all common sense. My friend came out and pulled me back inside. Then I thought twice and started to get nervous. This guys big, and in a gang… I have nothing to offer for long term. So I ditched, not wanting to get used and thrown away.
Three days later, and he has consumed my mind, and every waking thought, and every good dream and bad nightmare. I’m turned on by my thoughts of him, I need to find my way back to the danger zone. So I am going back to this dingy bar next saturday, in hopes of his return. I can’t help myself… I have to know! It has to be released! If he doesn’t show up… Great! Then I’ll know he didn’t give it a second thought and I am just bat-shit crazy. I know I sound insane. I only spent 4 hours there and probably only and hour of that time was spent near him. Less even!
I am addicted… and I need my fix.