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Yet again, it seems, that my hopes have climbed up, only to be pushed off, tumbling backwards. I’m getting pretty sick of this feeling. Lemme explain…….

This Christmas, all I wanted, and have been wanting all year round, was the PGS Genetic home testing kit from the company 23andMe.  This thing is all-inclusive and could really answer some of the key questions I have about where I come from, and some of who I am. Even if I were to locate and meet face to face with my birth mother to ask her all the questions I have, she would not be able to answer any of them… because SHE is adopted also. That’s right, I am second generation dumpster-bastard. So this really makes the whole meet-and-greet a shallow experience that I would rather not get into. Fuck her, she had her chance and I’m not about to give her the satisfaction of redemption.

Anyway… The company started advertising and I got hooked on the idea that I could give them my spit, and they would give me a read-out of my genetic markers including ancestry, race, hereditary health risks, possible disease carrier status and more! Everything a God damn normal person takes for granted in their family history. Do you know how frustrating it is to fill out a form and under “Family History” or “Place of birth” to write unknown??? People read that and look at you funny.

NOW… The stupid FDA goes all, “Halt! Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars.” They are saying the company is in violation of their fancy codes and laws because the 23andme company did not send in their paperwork showing proof of how accurate its detection methods are, as well as supplying the error rates from its personal genome service (PGS). They are currently being urged to “immediately discontinue” the tests until further proof is supplied that these tests are accurate and not endangering the welfare and safety of the people using it…. blahh blahh blahh. ITS JUST GODDAMN PAPERWORK!!!!

Maybe I’m being selfish, I know. But this really crushed me. I had hope! Hope to find out who I am. I don’t know why I got my hopes up so high about this, because I have trained myself to not be hopeful about anything. I almost always find the negative side of everything, and if it ends up working out, then I am pleasantly surprised! If not… I’m okay, because I pretty much called it.

This whole thing just really ruined my holiday spirit. I don’t get the gift of knowing me.